I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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