ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
