i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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