On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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