You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
