I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
