CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
