have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
