she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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