Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
