I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
