i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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