whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
