But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
