he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
