I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
