I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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