omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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