Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
