I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
