life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
