Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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