So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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