Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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