since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
