why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
