my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
