I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
