I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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