Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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