Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
