Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
