He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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