He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just want to make out with him forever
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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