i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
