What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
