I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
