I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
