wat bout pragnant strippers??
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
