Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
