you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
