oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I looked at my own cervix.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
