Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
