There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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