i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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