just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
