Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
