I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
