i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
