Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
