Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
