Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
