Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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