the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
