first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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